My obsessions and compulsions

My mornings becomes hectic while I struggle hard to deal with my obsessive and compulsive behavior, this Is what happens every morning when I try to leave my home, however early I wake up I get this feeling that am gonna be late today, and this feeling makes me do things in a rush, there were days when I even forget the color of my toothbrush, but the funniest  thing I could remember is coming out of a shower without even splattering a drop of water onto my face, which I would realize only while trying to put my makeup on since it wouldn't sit on a dirty and oily face.

After overcoming with all this struggle, when it's time to get into the car and ready to go, there it comes I will be covered with all these creepy thoughts and crazy feelings. Ok did I turn off the stove after making omelette, I will try asking my husband ....hey dallu did i turn off the stove...I know even if he do not know, he would say yes for it, coz he has now got used to me asking him these questions daily. Then I would console myself saying that....if the stove was on, I would have sensed the heat while having my breakfast...then after driving for a few miles it attacks me again, oh god I forgot to turn off my flat iron.... Am sure I did not turn it off this time, should I ask my husband to take a "U" turn, we could go back and check, we haven't come so far. Then I build up the courage to ask my husband... dallu I think I didn't turn off my straightener, shall we go back and check, we haven't come far from home and moreover we have got time right.

Husband : No I can't coz I have to attend a meeting at 9:15 AM.

Me : but dallu it's just 8:38 AM now. 
Husband : are you kidding, we will be late for our daughter's school and then I have to drop you at the library and reach my office, so no way we are going back.

Now my mind tells me that I could have better stayed at home so that I would have never come across these creepy thoughts, in the amidst of these feelings, the fact about the auto shut off hits my mind, these days all the heating equipments comes with that feature right.....but mine is 4 years old, does it really have that feature...oh god I don't remember that. Now I decide myself saying that first thing to do after reaching the library is google about the features of that model.

After reaching library I tried to google about the product's features, but it resulted in two different models, both looked like the one I have, but unfortunately one of the model had the feature and the other did not, what if I had the "other" one.......jeez I started to panic more and tried to find answers in the yahoo.answers....seriously it helped me a lot coz  one girl had written that her friend burned down a whole house after leaving her straightener on. The thoughts of insurance started to run through my mind, did my husband include my newly bought sewing machine to the home value.....I know it's crazy after having so many valuable things, I just could only think of my $59 sewing machine. Now I really must be a jerk to think of such stupid things, but then I tried to bring my mind in peace by reading few more positive answers coz one girl had written that whatever may be the model, all the "Conair" products comes with the auto heat cut off feature so no harm in leaving it "On" for hours.

I had 3 more hours to kill before I could get home, but I don't know how to get rid of this creepy thought. I Went through some cooking and crafting books, listened to "I " movie songs and had a little talk in whispers with the old man, who used to sit on the same chair, with the same pair of denim blue jeans and a navy blue sweat shirt daily, that's how he got registered to my mind, since am no good at remembering neither people's face nor their names. He asked me whether I go to school and do my assignments here, since it's a quiet place. I replied back saying that no am not going to school, I just come here to spend my time in a more productive way, I don't know why the hell did I mention that, thinking what would be the next question from him. Oh that's good he said. I really didn't know how to build up a conversation with him since he looked and sounded really smart (smart ones scare me a lot), so I just pretended as if am busy with whatever I was doing. At last my mobile beeped, a message from my husband saying that he is waiting for me outside, the moment I have been waiting for, So I just rushed out packing my bag.

We picked our daughter and drove back home, where I couldn't think of anything else other than the flat iron, can't wait to reach home. My husband insisted me to warm his food before I could change my clothes, but if I say that I should go check on the flat iron first, he would kill me coz I could hear his stomach rumbling and would yell about my compulsive behavior. Then there comes the moment we reached home and I ran to the bathroom to check on the flat iron, it was " switched off ". My husband gave me this look, which said I told you that you would have turned it off already........ I was like even I knew that but my ******* OCD ( obsessive compulsive disorder ) makes me do that what can I do.

I decided to find a good solution for this, coz I can't go through this daily, from then every morning as soon I get into the shower I will make sure the first thing is to wash my face and then clean rest of my body. I have tied a tag to my toothbrush with my initial on it and for the stove thing I move the omelette pan to the next burner once am done, so that I could see the flame and notice it. My straightener I have stuck a label on it saying "OFF" in bright red, in case even if I forget to notice the label, coz sometimes I forget things when I admire myself after doing my hair. Made a solution even for that I stuck checklist on the back of my front door listing things like turning off stove, flat iron and feeding the fish and I knock the door once after locking it up to tell my mind that I did it for sure, coz sound gets registered well in my mind than actions.

After math of my first blog

Hi guys this is my second blog, I didn't know what to write about, but then I remembered about the " about me " column in which I have mentioned that, I will discuss about my daily happenings so to give justice for that, I thought of sharing with you guys what happened the night after I posted my  first blog.
         
         Here it started like this, I posted my blog and then I decide to send the link to two people, just for two simple reasons, one is I needed a extremely positive comment, I know there is only one who could do that, my childhood friend Mani.K, one who hits the like button even before reading my status update...so nice of him right. Status update in fb..........
 
Me :  guys I amputated my little finger with pliers, while gardening.
Mani.K : great work .J. Keep going

The other person is my sister, who hardly agrees on things which I say or do....
Me :  hey doesn't that girl look pretty!
Sister :  naa she must me wearing make up akka or it must be the sunlight which makes her glow
Me :  hey no di, I could still see her pimple marks, so she can't be wearing one
Sister : no Akka her make up is melting off coz of the sunlight, that's why her marks are visible
Me : but she still looks pretty di
Sister : hmm it must be coz of her left over make up ka

But I couldnt wait for them to reply, it's was midnight in India so 5 more hrs was left for the sun to rise up, so I looked into the chat column, to check who was online, it was Madhumitha who used to be my Neighbhour in New Jersey, I sent my link to her, she replied me asking what is it.... Before I could reply her, I heard the door bell, it was my husband, I was so excited so I greeted him with a big hug and a kiss, I said I posted my first blog, oh really that's great, but am very tired and hungry, so why don't we talk about while having coffee, I'll go change up and come he said. But I couldn't hold on to my excitement, so I ran upstairs to talk about it again.
Why are you still in your night pants, didn't I tell you this morning that we have to get Mrithula (my daughter) a hair cut, go get ready he said. Ya but you didn't stress it, so I thought you have planned it for the weekend I said. What do you mean I didn't stress it, I don't know why you are expecting me to tell things twice, now go get ready.

There the argument started to heat up. Am not coming, you take her alone, coz I have to make dinner.
Are you kidding, how will I explain to the salon person about a girl's hair cut. I don't know what's up with your strange behavior these days he said.

We had our coffee and we were staring at the TV, he broke the silence and asked me to show the blog.
Nope why did you take so long to talk about it, so am not gonna show it you I said. Enna ma prechana unaku... Ok show it to me whenever you decide to do it, now am gonna do the dishes coz I have got a football match to watch at 7 30pm and I can't help with you with the dinner, Epave solliten apram kathadha. I was back to the TV again and talking within my mind, May be I should have shown the blog when he asked for it, overa panitommo...... Hmmm never mind, but why is he so upset, this is not the first time am behaving like a jerk, he is used to it, so must be something wrong at his work place.
Hey dallu how was your day, is everything ok at your work I asked. well the day was good so far until you fussed about your blog. then i didnt talk much since he was mad at me. After couple of hours we all sat to have dinner, my little one asked me amma why did you put some seeds in the chutney, her father replied her dei adhu siragamn da now eat fast, "Sirakonda" daddy amma put lots of "Sirakondas" in the chutney, dei papa adhu "Sirakonda" Ella siragam that's it, it is called cumin in English he said, Before we could finish our dinner my sister called me, we were talking about the blog, she told she liked the name of it, bla bla bla and the conversation lasted for about 20 mins and it was almost time for bed.

I tried to get some sleep, but I couldn't, the amygdala in my brain was going crazy, too many channels opened up in my mind and my left and right brain was having a big debate, my left brain said what people will think of your blog, will they think what's up with this crazy woman first she came up with idea of Crafting,then painting and now she has decided to write, what is she thinking of herself, and who bothers, if she writes about things which she cares most. My right brain didn't give up it said I don't want other people to decide who I am, I want to decide that myself. My left brain went again asking what if somebody posts some negative comments. Right brain : I know how to deal with coz I have read some books about it. Left brain : what if nobody cares to read your crazy and stupid stuff. Right brain : oh come on now forget it just let me sleep. After struggling for 45 mins I shut down all the channels and in the mean time, I changed three different positions to sleep, neither of it worked so I decided to count to backwards from 100 to 1, but then I heard the sound of laptop's keyboard, it was my husband. I was wondering what is he browsing now, is he checking the history and trying to find my blog, ya could be, he might have thought of surprising me in the morning saying that, I found your blog and read it. After few minutes he went to the bathroom, so I just thought may be I should jump out of the bed and take a peek into the laptop. But then I didn't want to spoil the surprise so I went back to counting again and slept after a while.

My alarm went off at 6am and it was my turn to make coffee, but he insisted he would do that, I said
ok, wondering why is he trying to be nice to me. He came back with the coffee and said I forgot to
pay our little one's school fee can you do that today, I said ok thinking that he would surprise me about my blog, but he went to the bathroom after finishing his coffee. Now I wanted to know what was he browsing last night, my neurons started firing up with anger when I came to find out that he was looking into the NFL website. Meantime my daughter woke up, had her milk and was ready to feed her fish "lemo". Amma amma lemo is not moving, he is not eating the food she said. I went to look up, the fish was dead, I asked my husband to clean it up and took her to bathe, she came back and looked at the bowl and asked amma where did lemo go, I said honey, daddy took it back to the store coz he is sick, she said but daddy is in the shower how did he go, oh honey no I forgot, actually I dropped lemo at the store I said. But Amma you never drove alone without daddy right, Then how did you go. I was just thinking to myself god when did she become so smart even last night I heard her saying that her daddy is the handsome man in the whole wide world. I said no honey I didn't drive, I went by walk ok. She looked satisfied with the answer. My husband came out of the shower and saw my long face, and said don't feel bad about the Fish, you know that he was suffering from chronic illness right. I was like seriously how a fish could suffer from chronic illness.
He said yes do you remember since the day one, he was not doing ok, he wasn't active and didn't eat well, that's the reason we brought him to the master bedroom since you didn't want to see him more often. I was thinking something must be terribly wrong because he never took the effort of using all these sugary words to console me.

I said him to stop, am not worried about the fish, it's coz you still haven't asked about my blog, and
all you care about is the stupid football, then he got it and said oh oh am really sorry, now will you please show me the blog, this time I didn't fuss much coz I knew that if I do it again it will take him forever to read the blog, he then read it and said its good, but I asked him to comment on it, he said shall I comment like u have so much potential in publishing a book, I said it sounds very fake and people would laugh reading it, he replied me saying that ya you are right that sounds very phony, I said what do you mean, now are saying that am not capable of doing it. Oh please don't start again I will write that its good ok he said, at last I made him to read and comment on it so mission accomplished.

Food which I love and miss

                        Food which I love and miss 

Hi guys since this is my first blog, I decided to write about something which everybody loves to talk, think or share about. In foreign countries you don't get all sorts of delicacies which we get back home, as we all know that the food produce depends on many factors, the given climatic condition,soil type the water stress level, environmental condition and of course it all depends on the population as well, ok i don't want to bore you guys talking about the history and geography of food, let's look about the taste and appetite for food. Here's the list which are my favorite.

Idly      
  sambar

Looks yummy right, am sure for any tamilian, one of their favorite food would be idly sambar or dosa chutney, if not it will become your favorite once you start missing it, i still remember that during my college days when i was doing my internship i had to leave home early at 6.45 or 7.00am, am sure nobody likes to have their breakfast that early,so my mom used to pack me idlis, since it was the easiest and quickest to make,but my sister used to tease me asking that "enna ka innaikum adhe white tyre dhana",yes at some point i was tired of eating it daily so i told my mom not to pack the box, and eventually ended up having breakfast in the hospital canteen, where nothing could beat up the chutney which accompanied the dosa,it tasted so spicy and good with all the mustard, curry leaves seasoning, and a secret ingredient which was unknowingly added in it, but i later came to know about the ingredient after a week or so when i got bed ridden with stomach flu,and yes the special and secret ingredient was the flu virus, since then i never try chutneys in any restaurant coz they dont cook it....hmmmm.i was again back to my box and the same idlis, but i never lost the cravings for the homemade soft idlis and the sirruparrupu sambar which my mom made.

The reason why i miss the food is, i have never known the right consistency to grind the urad batter and the rice, sometimes if i succeed in grinding the batter, i would screw up with fermentation process which took forever during the winter.

Upma

This is my all time favorite food, i know many people hate this including my husband and my brother,i like the arusi rava upma compared to the regular one.I still remember that i used to say to mom that i can eat her upma all day long for all my 3 meals, but my brother hated it so much, he will pick each and every piece of onion from it and eat it,since he hated onions so much he had a aversion towards upma as well. But i still couldn't find the reason behind my husband's hatredness towards it, he always eats it like medicine. Every time i say that am gonna make upma for dinner, i don't know how on this earth he will get tummy pain or his stomach would be full with the coffee which he had early in the evening, but i had never let him go to bed without having my upma.

Pongal vada
and sambar    

I would consider pongal as my comfort food  because it's easy to prepare, rich is

carbs and easily digestible and best part is you don't have to chew the food much, 

when its all seasoned with the clarified butter, ginger, cumin and cashews it just melts 

in your mouth, i think its for the same

reason my daughter loves it a lot, and yes nothing goes with it best other than 

kathrikai gosthu, but i have seen many people eating it, after carefully picking off all 

the pepper corns and curry leaves, i have wondered many times why do they have to 

eat it such a way, and i have felt that may i should go drag the plate away from them, i 

don't know what's up with being so much against the poor curry leaves.....oh did i 

forget to mention that my husband is one of them. I have heard that my father in law never 

eats pongal without vadas may its because in every restaurant, wedding or during the 

festival season pongal was always accompanied with the vadas.....i think he must 

have got used to the taste i guess.

Everytime i tried to make the vadas, i have ended up making bondas just because the 

batter would become watery and was hard to shape it up. But the readymade vada mix

 has never disappointed me with shaping it up, but it came with its after effects.